By William G Borchert
Telling the Story of AA's Bill W. Was One Thing, But My Dad Was the Hardest Of All
Every author I have known or have studied over the years
usually had a reason or purpose behind every book they wrote. I am no
exception.
In fact, in my case I’ve had very specific reasons and
purposes behind all the books and movies I have written over the last
two decades: to shine the spotlight on why, how and where to find
recovery from the deadly disease of alcoholism. And as a recovered
alcoholic myself with 53 years of sobriety, this was especially true for
my newest book,
How I Became My Father…A Drunk.
How
much better can it be than my mother finding in sobriety the husband
she always wanted and a son finding a father he could love and respect.
When I wrote the movie
My Name Is Bill W.,
starring James Woods, James Garner and JoBeth Williams, my goal was to
let the world know how the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has and
continues to save millions of lives all over the world. Now that the
Bill W. film has become the most watched television movie ever made, it is certainly well on its way to achieving that aim.
When I wrote the book
The Lois Wilson Story: When Love Is Not Enough,
my goal was to bring the supportive program of Al-Anon Family Groups to
the attention of suffering spouses and others affected by the disease
of alcoholism. The movie I wrote based on that book
When Love Is Not Enough, starring Winona Ryder and Barry Pepper and produced by The Hallmark Hall of Fame, further supported that aim.
Most of the other books and movies I have written, from
1,000 Years of Sobriety to
50 Quiet Miracles That Changed Lives, have also been focused primarily on how those addicted to alcohol or drugs can find or strengthen their recovery.
But my newest book,
How I Became My Father…A Drunk,
is one I never intended to write for two basic reasons. First, I had
finally made peace with my dad and found great love and respect for him
when he also got sober. Second, I don’t enjoy thinking about or dwelling
upon uncomfortable situations. While I know our past can often be our
greatest asset, it can also be our greatest source of pain if we wallow
in it.
The reason I finally decided to tackle this difficult task
and share openly and honestly about how alcoholism had painfully
impacted my relationship with my father, as well as his family and mine,
had little to do with me. It had to do mostly with a recovery counselor
in Florida, my loving wife Bernadette, and three very close friends
whom I trust and love dearly convincing me this story could help people.
Like so many others who seek to do the same—help people—I get great joy
from this pursuit.
So the purpose of this new book simply became
my reaching out to families still trapped in the malady of addiction to
show them through my own personal experience (and that of my father’s)
that there is a way out—and a life for them beyond their wildest dreams.
Trying
to recall things that happened many years ago, especially painful,
life-changing incidents, is a significant challenge to say the least.
But perhaps the so-called memory experts are correct when they say that
the older you get, the easier it is to remember the long ago than it is
to remember what happened yesterday. That was certainly true in my case.
I
was able to recall many incidents from my early childhood, especially
the terrible arguments, fights and drunken brawls that tore my family
apart. My two sisters, my brother and I would be awakened in the middle
of the night by loud yelling and screaming and various objects being
thrown around the house, crashing into the walls and ceilings. Then,
more often than not, our frustrated and usually hysterical mother would
drag us out of bed, cover us in coats or blankets and cart us off to our
grandmother’s place for a few days until my father sobered up,
apologized and things calmed down—until the next time.
Add to all
that my mother’s resulting anger and rage, which she often took out on
her children, and you’re left with some very painful memories.
Let
me share just one of many unforgettable incidents involving my father
and me. I was around 11 or 12 at the time. I was playing stickball near
my house one day with a bunch of young guys from the neighborhood.
Suddenly, a taxicab pulls up and my father falls out into the street so
slobbering drunk that the cab driver had to almost carry him into the
house.
Most of the guys I was playing with knew my father but
still couldn’t help but laugh, some louder than others. I was so filled
with shame I just took off running. I didn’t know where I was headed but
I just kept on running until I got totally exhausted. Then I sat down
on some rocks in a barren field somewhere and cried. That’s why many
times during my growing up years I swore I would never become anything
like my father. But alcoholism is a cunning, baffling and powerful
disease that runs in families. When I started to drink, I not only
became like my father, I became even worse.
In writing
How I Became My Father…A Drunk,
I wanted to share not only the painful experiences alcoholism brought
into both families—my father’s and then my own—but also the time period
and the atmosphere in which we lived and the historic events, the
colorful drama and funny anecdotes that surrounded the ups and downs of
our lives. For example:
- What
it was like as America struggled its way out of The Great Depression
when, despite the Prohibition law, people drank just to feel better.
- The inside story of the derelict’s haven called "The Bowery” which was once one of the most fashionable neighborhoods in New York City.
- The
heyday of journalism in New York City when there were 18 daily
newspapers and exciting, unbridled competition for exclusive stories.
- Waking
up in a smelly, flea-bag hotel on The Bowery where the room cost two
bucks a night or three bucks if you wanted a sheet to cover the
urine-stained mattress.
- Some
of the epic events of the time such as World War II; the Korean
conflict; Martin Luther King Jr.'s fight for racial justice; the
Soviet’s Sputnik rocket that launched the Space Race, and the last
execution in Sing Sing Penitentiary’s electric chair.
- The
lowdown on once-famous celebrities like Las Vegas showgirl Zsa Zsa
Gabor; actress Diana Barrymore; singer and movie star Dick Haymes;
wealthy playboy Mickey Jelke who ran New York City’s biggest call-girl
ring, and the shameless international gigolo Porfirio Rubirosa who
married two of the world’s richest woman and was writer Ian Fleming’s
model for James Bond.
- The
excitement of one of the greatest baseball World Series ever played
when the Brooklyn Dodgers finally beat the New York Yankees in seven
games in 1955.
When I finally finished the book
and sent the manuscript around to a few friends for comment, I was
almost embarrassed by the kinds of compliments I received. James Woods
said: “Another courageous story that will help many people, especially
families, find their way out of the pain and confusion caused by the
addiction to alcohol. I was proud to work with Bill when we made
My Name Is Bill W—it
was the start of Bill’s attempt to help alcoholics find their way to
recovery. I am especially pleased with his new book since it will help
so many. Bravo my friend.”
Norman Stephens, Emmy and Peabody
Award-winning producer commented, “This remarkable family drama will
touch the minds and hearts of millions of readers whether or not their
personal lives have been impacted, maimed or destroyed by alcohol, or
they’ve been blessed by recovery.”
Oscar and Grammy Award-winning
songwriter and actor Paul Williams added: “You need not be a member of
the recovering community to be deeply touched by Bill Borchert’s
writing. His new book will both entertain and enlighten many about the
terrible disease of alcoholism.”
And
Andrew Pucher,
President of The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence,
kindly remarked: “Bill Borchert’s dramatic and heart-wrenching new book
deftly describes the often crazy, unpredictable and tragic lives of
those growing up with an actively alcoholic parent, how the children are
impacted and how some may unwittingly follow the same path. Happily in
this case Bill also shares the joy of recovery for himself, his dad and
their families. This is a great read for anyone impacted in any way by
the disease of alcoholism or anyone who simply enjoys a dramatic,
somewhat painful yet marvelous story.
While writing
How I Became My Father…A Drunk was
a difficult task, in the end it turned out to be one of the most
satisfying experiences of my life. How much better can it be than my
mother finding in sobriety the husband she always wanted and a son
finding a father he could love and respect. Just another one of those
miracles we see all the time in recovery.
Read more at The Fix
